Fear of work and the writing routine

Another sunny, Summer day in the North East. It got chilly the past few days, especially after the rain, so some sunshine is nice to see again.

I had an interview for a Teacher of English job that I could have gone to today. I got my mini-lessons PowerPoint and discussion ready last night. Last week I even emailed the receptionist who sent me the interview letter that said, “Please confirm your attendance and ask any me any further questions.” I asked if it was a problem to bring handouts that needed Xeroxing. I never got a response.

Now, I would have never dismissed a job interview before in my life, but these days I have a better feel for a potential goal. Before, I was just grasping at straws and trying to get a full-time job because it seemed like the right thing to do. Of course, I always ended up with the, “you’re not mean enough for high school” critique.

It’s not to say that my main reason for not going on the interview was just “fear” of having the same thing happen before. I hate the word “fear” being thrown around so much. Fear to me is an illogical “what-if?” When someone has reasons for not doing something, or hesitation, or concern, people love to say, “You can’t be afraid. Do it because you’re a warrior/fierce/insert any other trendy cliqued term for a strong and powerful woman on Radio 1.” Driving in the U.K. could potential lead to an accident if I hadn’t learned how to do things properly (and I’m still learning, mind you.) That’s not something to be dismissive as, “Oh you silly thing, don’t be afraid.” That’s like saying, “Oh it’ll be fine. Just jump off that bridge without checking that your harness is secured. You’re being ridiculous!”

My “fear” of taking a full-time job is that I’ve not been successful at the high school level before. I liked it, but I’m not good at it. Maybe at some point, somewhere, I would be, and that job may have been the right school for me. More than likely not. And if I were working, I’d have stress, exhaustion, no time for myself, no time for Steve, and no holiday in Florida.

So, rather than waste my time or anyone else’s, I didn’t go.

Besides, I’d rather have a temporary position at a Primary School to bone up on my chops there. I was considering taking some SEN courses online to get the much-desired UK training, but I don’t know if it would help matters that much.

Anyway, with that said, back to the task at hand: the writing.

I have a new bookshelf (Thanks, Steve!) One of the many how-to books I own, is No Plot? No Problem! Since my biggest obstacle is procrastination (always has been) I liked how Baty acknowledges that being a full-time writer at home gives you all the time in the world to do everything but write. That’s me and I’m so glad I’m not the only one since writing at home can keep you away from the rest of the writing world. (Especially when people love to give you blow-by-blow accounts of their book on Twitter as they write it.)

Having a routine each day would be handy, as I try to do now on my days off when I get my blog entries for this site and bookblogarama done. Then I go off to Starbucks in the afternoon and do some actual work. The outlining and the motivational how-to reading, along with the reading for entertainment, all has to fit in the day somewhere as well.

So, I’m curious. What kind of routine do any of you have for getting writing done in the scenario otherwise known as life?

Finally, LiveHacked’s newsletter today references Creating Characters: How To Build Story People and gives some good advice about character building:

Another helpful tip I picked up long ago was the idea of writing out your character's details 100%, then using only 10% of it in your book. It's more of a general concept than a hard-and-fast rule, but it's helped me immensely to separate extraneous character detail in my novel (which the readers don't need or want) from helpful character-building dialogue and inner thought.
To aid in this process, you can literally write an "interview" with your character(s), answering it as if you were them. Fill out bios, add life/career/work details, and as much information you'd like. It'll be nice to "know" your characters before you start writing them into your story, and it's perfect fodder for series-based novels!

Supply teaching plus writing - making my own work schedule

I just turned down a temporary job working with kids who are acting for the BBC. First of all, the hours could be from 8:30-7PM at night, and secondly I wouldn’t have my July or Sept holiday time that Steve and I have already scheduled. It sounded like a cool job but, nah, that’s not for me.

In fact, I’ve been quite okay with my job situation as of late. The Primary School I’ve been frequenting has been really fun to work in, so I put my application in with them. Now that I have the car more supply work has been coming in. Steve and I discussed my goals and if I really wanted a full-time teaching job or if I’d prefer to just stay in day-to-day and temporary work as I have been.

Full-time teaching takes a lot out of you. In fact, I just read this great article on Tumblr called Please, please, stop saying these things to teachers… It talks about how freaking tough the job is, and how misunderstood educator’s issues and complaints can be. Yesterday they announced that England will be changing their GCSE testing again and Year 7 will be the first to feel the brunt of it next school year. I’ve taught plenty. I’ve gone through the enormous pressure of good English test scores, working in boring workbooks, and doing nothing but test prep for 90% of the school year. You work all day, then have to grade papers and plan your lessons at night. You’re exhausted, you spend no time with your family, and you’re told what more you could be doing.

But I’m still going to an interview for an English teaching job next week. Now, England’s interview process is much more complex than anything we have in Florida. They schedule out a morning for all candidates to do a 25-30 lesson for students they’ve never met before, then arrange a discussion for another group of students, then have interviews with the Headteacher, Head of English, and anyone else who may need to be involved (so it can end up being a panel of five who take turns asking you questions together or in separate rooms.) Then they make another shortlist, then ask the final candidates to come back for interviews before choosing who they want. It’s enough pressure to make me nervous, just typing it out.

However, I’ve learned that Headteachers want someone who is British, British trained, with British school experience. I understand that though. Irish teachers are moving to England to find work and you have Newly Qualified Teachers in England already trying to find work. My oversees, clueless self is not going to be one of their first options for a full-time job. As Claire from Steps put it on Celebrity Big Brother, “People don’t like to admit it, but the British are very patriotic.” Again, I don’t blame them. It’s just frustrating to get your hopes up just to have a Headteacher sit in on your well-prepared mini-lesson for a good five minutes before walking out the door (really happened) without “having a chat” or any kind of interview whatsoever. Waste of time and energy.

Supply teaching, on the other hand, has the beauty of walking away from work each day without anything to take home. Granted it’s nerve-racking to go to a new school, not knowing who the kids are and if there are any kind of lesson plans left for you. Kids don’t respect supply teachers as much, especially at the Secondary level, but, again, if you don’t like the school and the kids act up, it’s really not your problem. Leave the day, tell the agency not to send you there anymore, and that’s that. It pays less and there’s not a lot of room for advancement, but it’s not the worse job in the world. (It certainly beats a £56 a day office job that I’ve been offered in the past – less pay and longer hours with no room for career advancement.)

Also, my main objection to a full-time job is I have time to do things like this. I’m sitting here, at home, at my computer with my cup of hazelnut Dunkin’ Donuts coffee that was sent to me from Florida. I can chose to have a “me” day for blogging, reading, and the all-important task of writing. I can take my netbook down to Starbucks and hang out for an hour, typing away. I can take our holidays whenever Steve has time off work. We can go to Florida for our anniversary, and I won’t have any outside work to plague me at home.

It’s a good middle ground in the dilemma of writing vs. teaching. Granted, I’d scoop up a job if it were offered in October or so if it were at the little Primary School I like so much. But otherwise, I’m not really fussed.

I’ve considered starting a supply teaching log, but I have a hard enough time keeping bookblogarama updated when I’m otherwise preoccupied. Maybe later.

Teaching in the afternoon

As I mentioned last post, I found a temporary supply teaching job at a Primary School this week. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out that teaching 11 years and younger is a much more rewarding, and satisfying job. The school I’m in isn’t an “outstanding” rated school, but the staff enjoys being there and the students really are very sweet. Granted, we’ve had an incident about every day with arguments, tears, and name-calling but that’s nothing that I can’t handle. I’ve seen some unsettling things at the Florida schools with kids who have just as difficult home lives as some of there here, but having to deal with the tiffs between Year Six students is no great shakes.

Since last Thursday, we’ve caught mayflies in the river, made aquariums to keep them, gone on bug hunts in the garden, dug up weeds, played tennis, played rounders (which I quickly changed to a game of baseball), played soccer (I mean football), watched chickens hatch, got hailed on in the play yard, learned about puberty, and, as far as I’m concerned, had a good week. (Minus a handful of incidences, of course.)

This week has come to an end though, and after my stint here, I plan on leaving my application in case a permanent job pops up over the summer. I’ve let the Headteacher know I like being there and I’d really enjoy working there as full-time staff. You know when you just have a good vibe from a school? I was terrified before to go into schools with little kids, but now I feel good walking in each morning. I’m so glad I figured all of this out.

This isn’t to say that I don’t miss writing. I really do. The thing that I was trying to get across in my last post about teaching and writing is that there just isn’t time for both. Even though I’m not making lesson plans and/or grading papers, it’s still an exhausting job. I’m going to be glad to take my netbook into a Starbucks again and get back to doing what I’ve aimed to do.

Of course there are ways to do both, it just takes longer to get the work in progress finished. Then there’s the editing – oh the editing. I’ve mentioned as well that I’m really trying to outline the projects now, but that itch to just get down to the actual writing part is too tempting. I have to at least piece some ideas together in a long-handed, sloppy form.

Anyway, I have a couple of hours before I finish out my week with Year Six. This afternoon we’re working on the end of the year play. Here’s hoping everyone can stay on task and enjoy it as much as I do.

One last thing I should mention: driving.

I am much more confident than I was but, Good Lord, Newcastle and all it’s roundabout options and motorways is a nightmare. I panicked the other day when I went to pick of Steve and got stuck in that Quayside traffic. I can’t stand that I don’t trust myself and I don’t take my time to see what the Garmin is saying. I’m afraid of going the wrong way down a road, so if I get lost, I won’t get on a road unless I see someone else driving down it. (Lord knows not every road is clearly marked.) But I figured it out after going all the way around the Civic Centre and back. The next day I inadvertently screwed myself up again (that traffic going across the bridge sort of forces you to follow along with everyone else because I can’t clearly see where I’m meant to go.) But I kept calm and carried on, as they say. I went through City Centre and made it back slowly but surely.

Some days that driving makes me more nervous than going to a new school, but I’ll get accustomed to both of them eventually.

Working and writing–can it be done?

I’m going to throw this little post in while I have the chance. It’s half term and I’ve been at home for two days, yet I’ve still not gotten much done. I swear, the day goes by quick even when you’re not working (I can’t imagine how quickly it goes with kids at home too!)

So, how do we find time to write?

I have an extremely narrow attention span. I can focus on only one thing at a time. (Right now, juggling driving and listening to the radio is an attempt if I don’t know where I’m going.) When I teach, I just don’t have time to think of sitting down to write at the end of the evening. There’s planning and grading, and even when I’m doing supply teaching, just being able to have time to paint my toenails and watch TV for an hour is crucial. Plus, I have to get to bed on time. I’m not one of those who can function on five hours sleep at all.

But I, like everyone else, want to do it all.

I left some ideas in a new notebook before when I wasn’t working. I’d been reading Outlining Your Novel, and I’d had some good ideas to work with. Then I got the car, then started getting supply teaching offers again, and I just did not open that notebook again. Actually, it wasn’t until last night that I was able to get back in the mode of what the project was about, and this morning I jotted down some things before I took Steve to work.

I only have the rest of today and tomorrow for my “me” time, so even if I get more on that outline done, I’ll at least have something to work with when I get less busy outside of the house. I at least have a little writing notebook in my purse that I take along if I think of something.

Anyway, if I’m MIA for a while, that’s what I’m up to. Some days I barely touch Twitter because I just get caught up in other things. I know writing is a choice and requires dedication, but having a career and a pay check is important as well. I guess that’s where the juggling comes in. I just wish they had some kind of natural ADD medicine I could take. I’m lucky if I get a chapter of a book read before I fall asleep most nights.

The driving begins

It’s almost June and it’s gotten cold enough to switch the space heater on in the living room. Surely I will live to be a ripe, old age because I’ll never thaw out. Where is summer?

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but I have been busy living this thing we call, “life.” On Wed, the 15th of May, I passed my Practical Driving Test! Changing instructors was the best thing I ever did for myself. It only took 3 months of driving with her and I passed my test on the first try after the switch. She’s awesome and while I’m relieved to have that stupid test over with, I’ll miss my lessons.

So, after passing my test, I was exhausted emotionally - the whole process is a 40 minute drive that renders you mindless because you’re so freaking nervous. But I went to search for cars as I had been doing for a year since I started learning to drive.

Let me tell you what an absolute pain buying a car can be. First, I wanted to try the Kia Soul because it’s so stinking cute. They had a used silver one at Benfield and I took the Metro, then walked all over creation, including a busy highway, just to get to the car lot. The salesman was nice, and I drove on some quieter roads, just to get the feel of the car. I drove it pretty well, and I would have bought it, but Steve assured me that I should try out some others. I asked about the promotions they have for the Nissans there, but was told that the £115 a month sales on the Micras were only if you put down a huge £3000+ deposit. No thanks. I told them I’d be back for the Kia once my husband was available to look on Saturday. Of course the salesman wanted to drop the car off at the house to ensure we focused in on the one car, but I declined the generous offer.

I moved on to Evans Halshaw because we had looked at new Hyundais a while back. The salesman there was nice and he had to shoo off another salesman as we were looking (to which he apologized for his co-workers actions.) We really thought we’d get that i20, even after we looked at the Vauxhall Adam which was too small, but very cute. The salesman at the Vauxhall branch leaned in the window very intrusively as well, and we wanted to get out the minute we got in. Well, when I went back to Evans to look at used Hyundais, I noticed that few cars had any info on them. When I asked for the mileage on an i30, some super pushy salesman came out, stood in the door of the car so I couldn’t get out, told me all about how Evans was the best place to buy because people always come back. After sitting in the stupid car for 1 minute, the pushy salesman goes, “So, do you want it?” I really should have laughed at him, but instead I had to push past him to get out of the stupid car, and told him how I wasn’t going to buy anything until Saturday. He tried to get me to buy some weird looking Peugeot too which was and never has been in my consideration list. (No offense to Peugeot.)

After escaping the pushy salesman with the, “yeah, yeah, here’s my number, I’ll be back Saturday,” b.s. the salesman went, “Well when you come back Saturday, don’t talk to anyone else but me!” He also gave me his card twice within the minute I was there, and printed off info about the i30 and said Peugot for me to take home. I threw them out at the gas station next door. He’s called at least 20 times since that meeting as well. Next time he calls, I’ll tell him to bugger off.

Aside from being full of pushy salesmen, Evans also is in a really crappy area of town. On my way back to the Metro station, I also got accosted by yet another drunk who was being looked for by the police and wanted to pretend he knew me. I talked to Steve on my mobile as I walked to the Metro with a drunk dude with a shopping sack full of wine. I was ready to buy that Kia and forget ever taking public transport again after that. Good Lord, I must just look really nice or something.

Anyway, I went home and looked online for other cars I could compare with the Kia at Benfield. When you use their online chat, there’s one rep who contacts the local dealership about the car you’re interested in. When I went to chat the second time, they threw the original rep at me who was questioning me about the Kia. “Yeah, yeah, it’s fine, but can I see another car to compare it with?” Their site indicates that any car on any of their nationwide lots can be brought up to another dealership for viewing. I mentioned this in my previous posts on the history of my car ownership and my speculative U.K. car purchase that I have had 2 Toyotas in my past and both of them served me well. I asked Benfield if I could take a look at an Auris they had listed. They said they could but it was in Leeds and I’d have to pay them £100 to have it brought up to look at. What? No. I could go to the local Toyota dealership and look at hundreds of them for free.

And that’s what I did. I looked at two Aurises from Hodgson Toyota and chose a black one that I took through Northumberland on my test drive. (I didn’t realize Northumberland was that close because I’d never driven a car through there before.) The salesman was nice and not pushy at all. He drove me back and forth to the bus station as we went through my paperwork visit too. I like my Auris because it’s pretty much set up like my old Corolla that I sold when I moved to England. I picked it up on Saturday the 18th, just before they closed (we took a detour to the Toby Carvery and then slugged through traffic in the taxi.) Now it’s sitting out front with my “P” (for “passed my driving test” – my U.S. friends were confused by that) and my Hello Kitty magnet from EPCOT on it. It’s been well taken care of and I’m extremely happy with my executive decision to buy what I know.

As for the roads and the actual driving – oh my. Steve bought me a Garmin which helps me immensely, but I still get nervous and freaked out about getting in the wrong lane or taking the wrong exit. It’s not like being in Orlando and knowing, relatively, how to get back towards the coast to get back home. But now that I have a car, the supply teaching jobs have been pouring in. I’ve also been driving myself to teaching jobs, which is way better than taking the bus for an hour. My first assignment was to go up the highway/motorway to Alnwick (pronounced “Annick”) which was a 40 minute drive in the country. Basically it’s Virginia, just on the opposite side of the street up there. I was scared to death to do it, but I did. I took wrong exits and just followed the Garmin’s instructions to get back. Sometimes I get confused by what lane/exit to take because once you get in the roundabout you have options. I hate that. Tell me to go here and here for the A1. That’s all I need to know. Sometimes the exits aren’t even marked, you just have to hope that you followed the roundabout sign 50 feet ago and the lane markings correctly. (Yes, we have signs and writing on the lane. Confusing!) But I’m really enjoying working in Primary Schools so maybe they’ll hand me a job next school year or something. At least I can drive to it.

But anyway, I’ve been driving Steve back from work, and we’ve been able to do more, as I predicted. Yesterday we went back to Beamish. It took 10-15 minutes but I had to go on these super windy, tiny, hilly, narrow country roads to get there. I’ve seen roads like that in Ohio when I was little, but back then I wasn’t in charge. I had no intention of going 60 mph as the speed limit indicated. I took my sweet time and made it without having too much of a heart attack.

So that’s my story of the driving. I am still in the not 100% sure of what I’m doing mode but I’m not going to be too hard on myself – I’ve seen plenty of people who don’t look like they know what they’re doing either.